But before we could bug our eyes out at the floundered run out chances, swear at Rudi Koertzen for not giving Hayden and ultimately Sachin out, shake our heads in disbelief as Keiron Pollard took Doug Bollinger to the cleaners and finally celebrate a long overdue victory, we had to endure a little something called the Closing Ceremony.
Oh yes, we did. We had to watch Bipasha Basu (that woman never seems to have enough clothes) "shake a leg". Lady, even David Warner in that Kingfisher ad looked more fluid and expressive. And he was doing the "Walk like an Egyptian" routine for God's sakes. Then there was.. Shahid. The guy's a trained dancer. We know hes got all the pops and locks in his arsenal. Why he chooses to embarrass himself by singing, is beyond me. To top it all off, there was that awful mechanical whatchamacallit, dragged in by some dudes who obviously were wishing no one would recognize them. That "thing" (im not going to insult the likes of Chris Martin by calling it a batsman) then proceeded to hit a ball, and I prayed with all my might as I watched it soar across the DY Patil stadium that it would FINALLY take that blessed MRF
Of course, there was AR Rahman. The Maestro was the saving grace and the only reason I decided to put myself through that monstrosity. Pity he chose to sing Jai Ho(The new Chak De India, except this has parts which sound Spanish). The rest of the set was amazing, and I felt almost obligated to stand in attention during his rendition of Vande Mataram. I couldn't help wishing that he should have been given more of a slot.
The Extraaa(did I get the number of A's right?) Rubbish bit had Gaurav Kapur(the only half-sensible one), Navjot Singh Sidhu, and a squirmy Dinesh Karthik. One wonders if he was intimidated by Sidhu's overbearing demeanor or just plain annoyed with all the unnecessary yelling. I pick the latter. Chennai won the toss and elected to bat first. Big Whoop. No changes. Yay. We are forced to watch more edges and miscues from Matthew Hayden. Will the horror never end?!
As expected, Monsieur Hayden looked like he regretted the early test retirement, and he played such a well paced, calculated innings, I'm sure the Aussie selectors are rethinking their contract announcement for Ashes '10.
Slow batting, and well placed shots from Lord Badri and Vijay saw CSK tottering at 67-3 after 11.2 overs. Raina was there. Again. To save the team. Again. Oh and so was MSD in case I didn't mention that. Again. Momento favorito: Fernando and Nayyar stare at each other as they border a landing pad for a miscued skier from Raina. Zaheer Khan is not pleased and worries Moms that Setmax should have one of them logos to cover the players mouths. Zak proceeds to cleanly drop Raina approximately 12 runs later. Who's the $%^#$!^&# now Zak?
So Chennai finally reach 168. Not bad. The highest ever for an IPL final. After that mauling of Deccan in the semis, things don't look doomed just yet.
Mumbai begin in a utterly prosaic manner as Ashwin delights us with an opening maiden. Bollinger promptly gets rid of Dhawan the next over. Chennai fields with optimism, and although the missed runouts are saddening, they ordinarily wouldn't be chances in the first place. Nayyar falls, Bhajji arrives, gets out to a ball that according to Hawkeye shouldn't have been out, and I celebrate because honestly, that's what I wanted in the first place.
Few overs later, Tendulkar falls. STRIKE ONE. I watch in sadness as he trudges off the field. He was playing with a split webbing for God's sakes. The man is a legend. Double blow for Mumbai as Raina takes an absolute stunner(blame a certain Mister Daniel Morrison) 3 balls later to send MSD-lookalike(minus the charm) back. Jakati takes an interesting catch on the boundary to dismiss Duminy, and Pollard finally arrives to unsettle all the Chennai supporters and probably kill a few birds.
A murderous onslaught ensues, the victim being Dougie Bollinger. I am practically crying at the end of that blessed over. After that unethical slashing of Bollinger's credibility, I practically pull my hair out in disbelief as Albie takes the ball. He silences me, and the entire crowd in that stadium as he bowls 4 balls with conviction. Poor Rayudu does the sensible thing and sacrifices his wicket(STRIKE TWO), only to let CSK have sweet revenge the very next ball.
Hayden+odd fielding position=Pollard out
I'm taking back every bad thing I ever said about him. STRIKE THREE and Mumbai is finally out.
Mad celebrations take center stage as I grin at the rest of the household like a satisfied sadist. Too excited to switch off the TV, I decide to endure one more round of Ravi Shastri tomfoolery and rack my brains so as to come up with a plausible explanation as to why Harsha Bhoghle isn't the Master of Ceremonies. Some more bullshit (including an almost hysterical Lalit Modi shouting his speech like he was being held prisoner against his wishes) later and the players are felicitated. Yada yada yada blah blah blah. Ok. Enough with this shit. Raina is almost teary eyed as he is interviewed by Jackers. God bless his precious little soul. Ravi Shastri has us all wondering "What the hell is that man smoking?!" as he makes two dozen more errors and calls some players by the wrong names. Half a dozen awards later, CSK lift not only the Fair Play Award (Yes fellers, take a lesson from us Chennaiites. We KNOW how to behave) but the Big one. More screaming, confetti, and mad jumping around ensue.
To satisfy my Mad love for Mad journalists covering the Mad reactions of Mad Fans, I switch to a news channel and am heartbroken and outraged to see that there is no mention of CSK lifting the trophy. Them Nincompoops. CSK's victory is upstaged by the Modi v BCCI saga. This would never have happened if Mumbai had won. Ah Well. Journalism was never fair.
Oh, and did I mention? Danny Morrison wants to move into the MRF
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